Lessons In Love
What Did I Miss? (The one about the things I miss about being in a relationship)
There are moments when you sit in it. In that silence. You know the one.
No messages.
No plans.
No “thinking of you.”
And it can feel like something’s missing.
A person.
A presence.
A softness. A strength. A support.
The touch.
The cheeky flirty looks across the room.
The little post-it note reminders like - eat this today or throw it out. p.s have a great day. Love ya!
The “can you put some sun screen on my back please?”
The “I saw this and thought of you.”
The little fart that hardly made a noise but it erupted into hours of laughter. ‘Cause farts are funny.
The “What do you want for breakfast?” Should we go out or shall I put my apron on. And nothing BUT the apron.
The intimacy… not just sex, but being known. Being held. Being chosen in the small, everyday ways.
And it’s easy to label that feeling as lack.
But here’s the truth I keep coming back to…
What you think is missing… might not actually be missing.
It might just be space.
Space where the wrong things used to live.
Because let’s be honest…
I don’t miss:
The confusion.
The second guessing.
The lack of communication.
The emotional unavailability.
The inconsistency.
The cheating.
The manipulation.
I don’t miss feeling like I have to work harder just to feel secure.
So what am I really missing?
Not a relationship.
Not a person.
I’m missing the feeling of a good one. The right one for me.
And that’s a very different thing.
REALationships start with yourself.
Before someone else fills that space, you have to know what actually belongs there.
Because if you don’t… you’ll fill it with whatever shows up.
And that’s how we end up calling chaos “chemistry.”
Expect the unexpected. Be prepared for disappointment. And always have a Plan B.
Life has a funny way of rearranging things when you think you’ve got it sorted.
You line it all up…
A new housemate ready to move in.
A casual arrangement that feels easy.
A new connection with potential.
A promotion.
A holiday with a great group of friends.
All yeses.
Then one drops.
Then another.
Then all of them.
Housemate loses their job. Can’t move in.
The casual thing starts feeling off… or inconsistent… or not right for you anymore.
The new connection disappears into their own unresolved stuff and suddenly you’re collateral damage. The promotion was just more work with no additional benefits wrapped up with promises in a new title. Friends with a whole number of reasons they can’t on the trip anymore.
And just like that…
You’re back at square one.
Or are you?
Because here’s the shift:
Do you sit in disappointment…
Or do you say, okay… all good… next.
Not in a cold, dismissive way.
In a grounded, self-led way.
Because some things are simply out of your control.
And how people handle conflict, pressure, or their past… tells you everything you need to know.
When someone goes to ground instead of leaning in…
That’s not your rejection.
That’s your information.
Overcoming setbacks isn’t about avoiding them.
It’s about how you move through them.
My process is simple. Not easy. But simple.
I remind myself:
Nothing lasts forever.
Not even this feeling.
Not even this situation.
I know my worst-case scenario… and I know I can handle it.
I get back to my basics.
People can do whatever they want. Their choices are not up to you.
I can not control this or the outcome so let’s do things I can control:
Move my body.
Eat well.
Clear my mind.
Reconnect to myself.
The 5 M’s every day. (move, meals, mind, mojo, me)
I call someone who gets me.
I hug my dog.
I write down my feelings and my story and get it out. Let it out and let it go.
I find someone who can hold the ladder while I climb out of the hole If I need that.
And then…
I make new plans.
Always.
Because life responds to movement.
So we get back on the horse
Line up a few new dates to do stuff.
Book something social… tennis, a walk, dinner, anything with humans.
Book in time for ourselves doing what we love regardless of if we have anyone to do it with or not.
Just keep making plans. And then doing the plan. The rest takes care of itself.
Because here’s the thing most people don’t want to hear…
It’s all designed.
Even the stuff that doesn’t work out.
Even the disappointment.
Even the silence.
Especially that.
It’s not happening to you.
It’s shaping you.
Refining you.
Redirecting you.
Toward something that actually fits.
Renovating you.
So yes…
Sometimes it feels like something’s missing.
But maybe…
It’s not missing.
Maybe it’s just waiting.
For something better.
For something aligned.
For something that doesn’t require you to abandon yourself just to have it.
And until then…
You don’t sit in the in-between.
You build a life so full, so connected, so grounded…
That when the right person does show up,
They’re not filling a gap.
They’re meeting you where you already stand.
Two lives, becoming one. Not a half making a whole.
x
JC